FOUR EXERCISES TO BE GODWARD

Recently, I attended a lecture given by Swami Tyagananda , head of the Vedanta Society in Boston and thought of sharing it with my family and friends. I found the lecture not only meaningful but also practical. We all at one point of time in our lives want to turn towards spiritualism. The reason of turning towards it varies from people to people – But it is for sure that when we don’t get an answer for our miseries, sufferings or disappointments in this worldly life, we turn towards God.  Sometimes even after reading books after books, attending different lectures and temples, it becomes difficult for people to implement those doctrines in practical life in order to realize God. To reach the stage of Samadhi is not that easy – at least not possible in one birth.  As said by Sankaracharya in one of his slokas in “Vivekchudamani” For all beings a human birth is difficult to obtain; rarer still is the attachment to the path of Vedic religion; higher than this is erudition in the scriptures; discrimination between the Self and not- Self, Realisation, and continuing in a state of identity with Brahman – these come next in order. (This kind of) Mukti (Liberation) is not to be attained except through the well-earned merits of a hundred crore of births.”

 

So what we should do to practice spiritualism?  This lecture was basically trying to explore those methods or exercises through which we can think of elevating ourselves in order to reach nearer to the highest reality.

 

1.   Forget all the good that you have done to people - This is true that we always remember the good that we have done to others. It gives us the satisfaction of knowing how good and generous we are. If we don’t forget, then it will hurt us if that generosity is not returned with the same warmth. For example, on our friend’s birthday we buy a nice gift along with a cake and go to his/her house to greet and celebrate his/her birthday. Now by the time our birthday comes, we start expecting the same thing. It is possible that our friend will not show up. Forget about showing up, he or she might not even call us and that will make us miserable, thinking we did so much for him/her but he/she did not even bother to call us and thus our birthday will be ruined. So by doing one good and not forgetting it, we have created bondage for ourselves. So if we want to help or do anything for people, do not expect. As Swami Vivekananda rightly said,” When you give something to a man, expect nothing--do not even expect the man to be grateful--his ingratitude will not tell upon you, because you never expected anything, never thought you had any right to anything in the way of a return. You gave him what he deserved; his own Karma got it for him; your Karma made you the carrier thereof. Why should you be proud of having given away something? You are the porter that carried the money or other kind of gift, and the world deserved it by its own Karma. Where is then the reason for pride in you? There is nothing very great in what you give to the world.”

We are just a carrier, whose job is to deliver. So, why to bother what good we have done to others?  It is their turn to remember if it has to be remembered. Our goodness is over once we performed that particular duty. We should have the satisfaction of doing good which only will make us go Godward.

2.   Forget all the bad others have done to you – I know this is not as easy as it sounds, as our ego is not ready to accept it.  We think if we will not retaliate in the same manner, people will take us for granted. It takes time to tame our EGO, to make it understand not to retaliate but to reason it out. Why did it happen in the first place? Were my actions responsible for this kind of reaction? Sometimes even this kind of experience leads us towards spiritualism.  So we should be thankful to those ‘bad’ people who have made us wiser. Also, we all know that no two people are alike. Our situations, circumstances, nature and appearances are all so different and so are people’s reactions. Life is too short for trivial things. We should try to appreciate the goodness and the beauty of people around us. Swami Vivekananda has rightly said, “Life is good or evil according to the state of mind in which we look at it, it is neither by itself. Fire, by itself, is neither good nor evil. When it keeps us warm we say, "How beautiful is fire!" When it burns our fingers, we blame it. Still, in itself it is neither good nor bad. So as we use it, it produces in us the feeling of good or bad; so also does this world.”

 Similarly, all human beings are bonded to their prakirti (nature). We have to understand it, love it, appreciate it and if we don’t like it – keep a distance with it. Life is too short to have the grudges – people around us are the ones who are helping us, loving us, guiding us, so it is best to keep no bad feelings for them even if they have done any harm to us. Accept it as part of their nature, try to reason it out and appreciate them for giving us a different perspective to look at things. If we not do so, we will regret, once they will be gone. Think about the karma theory. Anything that is done to us, it is because of our own karma. They are just a carrier – like a postman – delivering only what we have asked for. Stop blaming others for your situation. Do not play a victim.

 

3.   Remember, everything is changeable or passes away - We all know that we are constantly changing. The whole world is changing. Our relationship changes – with our spouse, children, family, friends. We grow from baby to a teen and then to adult and finally old. If we don’t remain the same how do we expect other things revolving around us to remain the same.  Weather changes, season changes – the same way people’s emotion changes. We should learn to accept the changes, otherwise we will be miserable. Our situation keeps on changing. Nothing remains the same. One should not get too excited or sad at the outcome of the results of our actions because nothing is going to stay forever. There is this story, which I would like to share,

There was a king. A time came in his kingdom when lot of bad things were happening –- the king didn't know what to do. He was sad & worried. His ministers were concerned seeing the king sad. So they went to a goldsmith & got a ring engraved with "THIS TOO WILL PASS" and gave the ring to the king. Time turned and good time came. But the king did not forget to look at the engraved ring saying, "THIS TOO WILL PASS." So why to get overjoyed or excited?

Seeing the fragility of this life, we should not get too much attached to things because we know it is not going to be the same all the time. Life is a constant change. If we accept these changes, we can handle it more diligently. If we reject it, it becomes difficult.

 

4. Remember One Being that never changes is God – We all know that. So try to hold on to it. You will feel safe. Our faith in God intensifies when we know He is there to take care of our needs. Perhaps, we can accept that God’s ways are far better than our own. Choosing to release control to the only One who is the ultimate Truth gives us peace and security. Because God is the only one who can guide us, direct us and lead us to the path of salvation.

When we do puja and japam, we have to see how much it has entered into our being. When problems come in life, how do we deal with it? Do we behave like a spiritual person or a worldly person? If we are showing too much anxiety and stress – that means we don’t have faith in God. At the time of difficulty one should think – I am like a little baby in the lap of God mother? A sleeping child will not have a single sign of worry on his face because he knows his mother will take care of him. We should also be like a child when it comes to have faith in God.

 

God knows how to hide us and protect us, even in the very midst of any problem that could ever come against us. God knows how to take us in His arms and cradle us with love. He knows how to swoop down with His mighty arm and pluck us out from the midst of our enemies. God is a provider and always will be. He will provide for us if we will simply allow Him to do so. Reach out and grab a hold of Him for He is always there for us. He simply wants our trust. God will never let us down, nor will He forsake us. The world will let us down and walk away from us in the midst of our trials and tribulations. The world will run the other way when our enemies stand fast against us, but God will move forward with a band of angels stretching forth His mighty arm and pulling us to safety if we will just call on Him.

Practise these four exercises, and see what you get at the end. – peace, peace and peace.

Misconception of Truth

I came across these two lines of Rabindranath Tagore recently, when a friend of ours was reciting it. I felt the need of digging deep into these two lines, which seem simple but have a deep meaning underneath them. These two lines are, “Uttom nischinte chole odhomer sathe, tiniee modhyam jini cholen tofate.”

{(Uttam) it is difficult to translate uttam in English, but one can say an extremely good person can associate easily with sinful people while the ordinary (modhyam) people try to stay away from them.”}
I may not be an authority to analyze this deep rooted meaningful two line poem of Tagore but I am trying to put a sincere effort of mine with all humbleness and humility with whatever little knowledge that I have to understand it and would like my ‘prabuddha’ intellectual friends to make me understand the real meaning of it, if I am wrong.

It will be a misconception to think that ‘uttam’ means smart and intelligent enough to understand the situation or people and then handle them accordingly without causing any disadvantage to oneself.  This may be a ‘management skill’ of a person but certainly not the characteristics of being Uttam. When Rabindranath Tagore says Uttam, he certainly meant, “a person who has compassion, empathy for others, understanding, honest, warm-hearted, kind, generous, open-minded, humble, patient, courageous, non-judgemental, has a good temper, high-mindedness, sincere, modest, witty, and spiritual and who does no intentional harm to others.” The list can go on.

But the best definition is given in Gita chapter 12, verse 13-19 where Lord Krishna says, 

“Adveshtaa Sarva Bhoothaa-naam Maitrah Karuna Yeva Cha
Nirmamo Nirahan-kaaraha Sama Duhkha Sukhah Kshami

Santushtah Sathatham Yogi Yathaa-thmaa Dhrida Nischayaha
Mayyar-pitah Mano Buddhir Yo Madbhaktah Sa Me Priyaha (13-14)”

He who hates no being, who is friendly and compassionate to all, who is free from the feeling of I and mine, even-minded in pain and pleasure and forbearing... Ever content, steady in meditation, self controlled and possessed of firm conviction, with mind and intellect fixed on me, such a devotee is dear to me (and is a ‘uttam purush’)

He who neither rejoices nor hates nor grieves nor desires, renouncing good and evil (treating both as the same), full of devotion, he who is the same to foe and friend and also in honour and dishonour, who is the same in cold and heat, in pleasure and pain, who is free from attachment... To whom blame and praise is equal, who is silent, content with anything, free of selfish attachment, steady-minded and full of devotion... He by whom the world is not afflicted and whom the world cannot afflict, he who is free from joy, anger, fear and anxiety - He who has no wants, who is pure and prompt, unconcerned, untroubled, and who is selfless in all his undertakings, he who is thus devoted to Me, is dear to Me..( and only he can be the uttam purush)

If you reach to that state, then definitely you can mingle with all kinds of people- good and bad because you are out of all bondages. You will develop a ‘sambhav’ for everybody. Because you have controlled your ‘indriyas’ and all the vices.

Gautam Buddha also has defined it pretty well in his eightfold path.

1. Right View 2. Right Intention  3. Right Speech  4. Right Action  5.Right Livelihood  6.Right Effort  7.Right Mindfulness and  8.Right Concentration  - these qualities make a person Uttam.

‘Modhyam’ or Ordinary People -

Ordinary people are the ones who are constantly evolving and while trying to do so they use discrimination as a tool to save themselves from all kinds of distractions which can be an obstacle in their progression. They try to keep themselves more and more in holy company or with people possessing the right mindset, so that they should not become a victim of their true nature, which is tamsik (anger, greed, lust, power & attachment ). Even Sri Ramakrishna had said, “When a tree is young it should be fenced all around; otherwise it may be destroyed by cattle.” One should always discriminate between right and wrong, real and unreal. By discriminating thus, one should shake off impermanent objects from their mind. If you are not prepared well, the chances are that you will get trapped more and more into worldly affairs and then never be able to come out of it The world is full of maya, danger, grieves and sorrows.  "First rub your hands with oil and then break open the jack-fruit; otherwise they will be smeared with its sticky milk. First secure the oil of divine love, and then set your hands to the duties of the world.- Sri Ramakrishna said.

One must practise discrimination. Our shastras advise us to use our buddhi and filter out all outside turbulences & disturbances and meet the right people that bring positive energy into our lives and help us progress and evolve.
According to Sri Ramakrishna, “This is true that God dwells in all beings. But you may be intimate only with good people; you must keep away from the evil-minded. God is even in the tiger; but you cannot embrace the tiger on that account.

"It is said in the scriptures that water is a form of God. But some water is fit to be used for worship, some water for washing the face, and some only for washing plates or dirty linen. This last sort cannot be used for drinking or for a holy purpose. In like manner, God undoubtedly dwells in the hearts of all — holy and unholy, righteous and unrighteous; but a man should not have dealings with the unholy, the wicked, the impure. He must not be intimate with them. With some of them he may exchange words, but with others he shouldn't go even that far. He should keep aloof from such people."

Why we as ordinary people should be away from wicked people? Because as said in the Gita,

sattvam rajas tama iti
gunah prakrti-sambhavah
nibadhnanti maha-baho

dehe dehinam avyayam
Material nature consists of three modes — goodness(sattva), passion(rajas) and ignorance(tamas). When the eternal living entity comes in contact with nature, O mighty-armed Arjuna, he becomes conditioned by these modes.

The gunas are responsible for the diversity of nature and because of these gunas, human beings lose their ability to know themselves correctly and recognize their true divine nature. The gunas whether it is sattva or rajas or tamas, are part of prakriti and are responsible for our illusion and all sufferings on earth.

That is why it becomes important for us as ordinary human beings to create a fence around us to protect in order to understand our true nature and work on it.              

Anyway, we all want to be good, to be uttam. We all have two hearts: one that loves to do the right thing, and one that prefers to be selfish. We need to develop an awareness of the struggle going on inside us. The human quest "to be good" drives virtually everything we do. In order to maximize pleasure in life, we must distinguish between "material good" and "spiritual good."                  

We all want to claim that we are uttam but it is only at the end of our lives, when we can really judge whether or not we were a good person. It does not matter how we pretend or portray ourselves in front of others, what actually matters  is that deep down we all know whether or not we have lived as a, "good person".

   

Please throw light on these two lines of Rabindranath Tagore. Thank you

 

GAY RIGHTS IN INDIA

A few months ago I watched the news with awe as they were showing the landmark decision of the Delhi High Court, which changed India’s stand on gay rights. The Delhi high court scrapped parts of section 377, a colonial law that criminalised gay sex.

 

Of course that has sent a strong signal to Indian gay rights activists, who cheered the decision and the principle affirmation of homosexuals as part of Indian society. This is the first time that an Indian court has gone on record to say that sexual minorities are not second-class citizens, and that they cannot be discriminated against.

People who are supporting the rights for gay people say that the transgendered people have high rates of depression, suicide, substance abuse and relationship difficulties because of the lack of acceptance within the society & family. They live a suffocating closeted life and carry on to become victims of depression, alcoholism and drug abuse. For decades, the police and sometimes society at large used the law as an excuse to persecute gay men and women, who were harassed, blackmailed, detained or raped, unable to seek any protection or justice from the law.

Why are we not able to accept them? Is this really giving a bad name to India? We know that they are remarkably strong and creative individuals (choreographers, fashion designers, hotel professionals, etc.). By denying the existence of gay people, or even something like the looming existence of AIDS in India, we can’t stop its presence, or impending consequence. Just by closing our eyes, can we deny the fact that such things exist? Even when Raja Ram Mohan Roy first started his movement against “Sati pratha” he faced the same division in the society. But did it make him stop?

Religious leaders and majority of Indians are against it. Religious groups in India have warned they will oppose any move to legalize homosexuality.  For them, no matter what, homosexuality is “unnatural” and by supporting these kinds of activities, we will only be encouraging and promoting such tendencies. Getting such ambience and influence, even "normal" human beings can fall for gay tendencies.

Reverend Dominic Emmanuel, spokesperson of the Delhi Catholic Archdiocese, said the Catholic church has nothing against gays per se, he stressed, ‘‘We strongly believe that sex between same sex partners is immoral, unnatural and unethical.

In fact, Mumbai’s Catholic Secular Forum (CSF) circulated mass SMSs appealing to Catholics to protest against the move to legalize homosexuality. "We protest on both, health and religious grounds. We have statistics to prove that a large number of HIV cases are gay, and this verdict may lead to an AIDS epidemic of sorts,’’ Dias added.

Muslim clerics in both Mumbai and Delhi expressed shock. ‘‘India is secular, but most Indians are religious and no religion allows this. If homosexuality is legalised, it will damage our cultural and moral values."

Hindu and Sikh religious leaders share the same sentiments. Swami Ramdev expressed his views by saying, “If our parents had been gays, would we have been born? Freedom doesn’t mean licence. Our family system is the only ideal we can show to the world. Sadly, this judgment will end up corrupting it. I will be part of every protest against the judgment.’’

Do you think we are making unnecessary noise against this issue? Do people really convert themselves into homosexuals getting an opportunity or ambience? Is it really going to harm India’s image in the world? Should we accept gays as part of our society as they too are human as we are? Or do you think they are really evil and need to be sent for counselling? Don’t you think by accepting them, we will make the families of those more comfortable in accepting their gay children? Don’t you think we are victims of our pre-conceived values? Our minds are conditioned and any new invention, knowledge or awareness initially compel us to reject it. 

How many of us really try to educate ourselves so that we can be more accepting to things which are not like us?  It is difficult to know what is wrong or right. Thus, I would like to gain your views, ideas, and perspectives on this issue. 

 

   

 

The Light At The End of The Tunnel

This thought of mine is in continuation of my last blog where I thought to explore the reason behind the misery of lost love. Why is it that the relationships which started on a note of never ending and long lasting friendships – where so much of pleasure was expected – ends in extreme displeasure and a lasting impression of hurt? Is it our expectations which arise out of attachment?

True. Attachment is the root cause of all our expectations. When someone loves a person, whether that person is a friend, a relative, spouse or child, it is natural to feel our right on that person even if it is not given to us officially. Human nature is such that when we give something to someone, even if it is love, respect, care, we want all these things back in return and when we don’t get it, we get disturbed, depressed and heartbroken. People think that they can win the world with their love, but it is not always the case. Everyone’s perception of understanding and perceiving things are very different. Everyone has their own logic and every one of them is right as per their own mental & social upbringing.

To my understanding, human life is like a whirlpool. It brings happiness as well as pain and suffering because of these attachments knowingly or unknowingly. Though we all grew up with the saying, “Expectation is the root cause of all our sufferings,” we still expect something in return. When one is in love they idealize the other person and thus have high expectations from them, but in the end, it is not possible for that person to live up to our expectations. If one can limit their expectations, they can save themselves from the horror and terror of it. Most of the time our expectations in any kind of relationship is very high, sometimes it can be impractical and illogical. In spite of its illogicality & impracticality, it causes pain if it is not met.

This realization of pain actually starts the quest for peace. What should we all do to overcome our suffering? Once we know the cause of our suffering, which is because of our attachment with worldly objects – be it a person or thing, we start looking for a way out. And then comes, the revelation that the only way to peace is to look within and try to listen to our inner self. At least that effort of looking within will start the process of freedom from pain.

Spiritual knowledge is the only thing that can destroy everyone’s misery forever. This cannot be achieved only by reading books or listening to different philosophies. It also needs to be experienced and comes from within. As we all know that Life is a teacher and it teaches us its lessons time to time. It depends on us how we take it. The world is a grand moral gymnasium wherein we all have to take part so as to become stronger and stronger spiritually. I am not saying it is an easy task to do. To attain this detachment is almost a life-work, but as soon as we have reached this point, we have attained the goal of love and thus become free.

All of us become very much attached to the fruits of our action. If our only motivation to do something is to gain pleasure out of it, we are bound to be unhappy because we are not always going to get what we want. That is why Lord Krishna Says to Arjuna,

"कर्मण्ये वाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचना , मा कर्मफलहेतुर्भूर्मा ते संगोस्त्वकर्मानी !"(Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana, Ma Karma Phala Hetur Bhurmatey sangostvakarmani)

“To work we have the right, but not to the fruits thereof". Leave the fruits alone. Why care for results? If you wish to help a man, never think what that man's attitude should be towards you. If you want to do a great or good work, do not trouble to think what the result will be.

"When you give something to someone expect nothing. Be grateful to the man you help. If we are really unattached, we should escape all this pain of vain expectations, and should cheerfully do good work in the world.. With love there is no painful reaction; love only brings a reaction of bliss; if it does not, it is not love; it is mistaking something else for love. "-Swami Vivekananda

Just think of Meera, how madly she was in love with God. If we all could simply show the same madness for God which we show for our beloved, we would be much more peaceful. Rev. Prabhupaadji expressed similar views while writing his Preface for Bhagwad Gita.

Keeping no expectations in mind, if one works in life, then maybe he or she will be able to handle the complexities of life and thus remain happy. We all have to do our share of penance alone in order to understand the purpose of life. These four lines are for those who have understood the gist of love,

"शिकवों के वर्क छूट गए, चाहों के ढलती कब्रों पर,

अवशेष नहीं, न कुछ बाकी ; हर जलना तो होता एकाकी ."

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THE END OF A LOVE STORY

Love is something that we always fantasize about as a beautiful, romantic escapade. It is said that love is poetry, born out of the sheer joy of being. Love is song, dance, celebration, a song of gratitude, a dance of thankfulness, a celebration of no reason at all. I also grew up with the poetry of John Keats, William Wordsworth, P.B. Shelly, Christina Rossetti, Thomas Browning and many more. In today’s modern world, everything is being defined in a new way. So why not Love? What compelled me to juggle my mind is an event which occurred recently.

A few days back, I met a client in my office and while I was busy working on his file, his phone rang. He left the work in the middle and went outside to talk. It took him a good 20-25 mints to come back. As soon as he returned his phone rang again. He saw the number and did not pick up the phone. The caller continued calling in spite of him cutting it off. The phone rang at least 10 times while he was in the office. I asked him what the problem was? He said the caller was his girlfriend, who is trying to harass him. They still live together, but now he wants to move out, which is not acceptable to his girlfriend. As a result, she is after him and wants to know about his whereabouts. At that time, this beautiful four line poem by Dr. Harivans Rai Bachchan struck me “Pralay ki raat mein soche, Pranay ki baat kya koi; magar pad prem bandhan mein, samajh kisne nahin khoi”.

After he left, I was wondering why is it that one time friends or lovers who used to vouch for each other, who did everything to win the other person’s trust and love, who always used to look for a chance to spend time together, who used to compliment and praise each other, are now running away from each other. They are now making each other’s lives miserable by saying foul things which one would never imagine; showering each other with loads of allegations, and thus annihilating each other’s character. The notion of losing the friendship or love of the other person makes one so wild and revengeful that they completely forget their sensibility and sanity to handle the relationship. They forget that the more they try to hold on to it, the more it will slip from their hands. When we see that a relationship is giving us more tension than peace, we should try to reason it out and let that relationship go. Maybe our learning through that relationship is over and it‘s time to say good-bye and move on. Love shouldn’t make a beggar of one. Love is something that must be given – it can’t be bought with words or pity, or even reason.

When I hear people bringing out all their personal stories in public to defend themselves or their actions, I wonder, how at one time they might have enjoyed sharing the same stories together. How we as human beings become so mean to pass derogatory comments for the person whom we once loved with all our heart & soul. I feel nothing but pity at that time and a heavy sadness that it had to end this way. Why can’t we just turn that relationship into more of a formal friendship? And slowly & gradually as we heal, we will become more comfortable to sit and have a cup of tea with that same person. Even sitting with him/her will bring back no memories; only the acid knowledge that time has passed. As you heal through a relationship, you sure will be able to say,

“I return the bitterness

Which you gave to me,

It is washed by tears

Now it is loveliness

Garnished through the years.”- Anonymous

Every relationship or event is a part of our learning. But at that time when one is going through that process, it is difficult to understand the deep meaning underneath the process. Only after the event passes and our bitterness decreases, do we start to unveil the event and thus get the message given through it. What to do? Life is like that. Strange! Isn’t it? Sabak kab padhati hai, aur arth kab samjhati hai.

I may be wrong, but I do feel that all the anger & venom are also a show case of LOVE which people do out of frustration. They believe that the world is going to end if this relationship gets over. They feel rejected and thus want to do everything to save the relationship and in order to do so, they make it worse. May be because,

“’Tis hard to part when friends are dear

Perhaps ‘twill cost a sigh, a tear.”- Anonymous

One thing that I really want to emphasize that Love is worship. If you love someone, love with dignity. No one is worth crying for, because the one who is good and loves you will never make you cry, and the one who makes you cry is not worth your love.

As time passes by, the process of healing starts and you understand the message better. Then you think, alas if we could have kissed & parted, it would have been so much better. But at that time it is difficult to apprehend this. As,

“Life is a tale, told by an idiot

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.” – William Shakespeare

Pl. do share your thoughts.