Review of movies

I watched "MOD" starring Ayesha Takia and a new face Rannvijay Singh. If you are tired of all the big budget movies like Bodyguard and Ra One, then Mod will be like sugar candy giving you some solace that there are sensitive directors like Nagesh Kukunoor (Iqbal fame), who make sensitive movies. It is a cute and pure love story made with sheer simplicity. It is a slow paced movie with picture perfect landscape at the background. It is like a romantic novel which you should read at a leisurely pace. Ayesha Takia looked lovely and the new actor, Rannvijay Singh was quite natural and convincing. A lovely movie, definitely better than Ra One.


I forgot to mention two beautiful movies that I highly recommend to watch. One is "Iti Mrinalini" by Aparna Sen and the other is "Kashmkash" (Naukadubi - the original bengali version). Both the movies are a treat to watch. Kashmkash is an adaptation of Rabindranath Tagore's novel Naukadaubi. You may find it a bit slow as we all are living in the age of Ra One, but if you are a lover of real works of art, then you will definitely enjoy this movie. On the other hand Iti Mrinalini is again an Aparna Sen's directorial venture. It is an autobiographical journey of an actress, Mrinalini Mitra, who was hounded by the media and mistreated by her men. I liked the movie in spite of certain criticisms it has faced. It is a story of a weak woman, who somehow becomes an actress but makes wrong decisions in her life and faces the consequences. Not necessarily each and every woman has to be strong in order to be unique and different. Aparna sen and Konkana sen, both worked fantastically.

DR. MANOHAN SINGH AND HIS SILENCE

No matter how much WE like Dr. Manmohan Singh( because of his honesty and contribution towards economic liberation), his silence throughout the multiple scams, that happened in India, is questionable. The new addition of Citizens Right to Grievance Redress Bill 2011 to Public Grievances web site does not acquit him from the environment that has been created by his incompetency and SILENCE. This silence of Dr. Manmohan Singh reminded me of those days of Mahabharta when Draupdi was dragged into the court by Duhshasana on the order of Duryodhana. Seeing the plight of a chaste woman, whole assembly sat in shock and silence, knowing that Yudhishtira was defeated in the game of dice wrongfully, by deceit and cheat. No one came forward for Draupdi's help. Thus the question arises," what is one's DHARMA"? Vidura, Duryodhana's fearless counsellor, explains by quoting the sage Kashyapa about the immorality of remaining silent when there is evil afoot. When honest persons fail in their duty to speak up, they 'wound' dharma and commit adharma. Thus, the leader of the conspiracy earns half the penalty; the immediate culprit a quarter, and the witnesses who do not speak up are also guilty by a quarter. The devaluation of a generation to which Dr. Manmohan Singh belongs, will have to face the consequences for not following Dharma and their allegiance to the people of India. This is not coming from me, but rather our history.

An analyis of Arun Shourie's interview on his new book

I just finished watching an interview of Arun Shourie with Sagarika Ghosh on CNN-IBN Live on his new book "Does He know a Mother's Heart?"(How suffering refutes religion). I have always been a great admirer of Arun Shourie from the time when he was the executive editor of Indian Express - a man of integrity, fearlessness, dignity, honour and truth. I followed almost all of his interviews that were uploaded on youtube. This interview definitely shows a different dimension to his thought process and compels us to think about the existence of God. This book takes us to the journey of his son, Aditya, who is suffering from cerebral palsy for many years and wife Anita, who suffers from Parkinson's disease, leading him to ask, "How can there be extreme suffering if God exists?" He is trying to find his answers through the study of different scriptures and religion and come to his own conclusion. He looks at the concept of God as preached by various faiths from time immemorial, questions them, and concludes that God is just a creation of human thought invented out of fear for the unknown.  Likewise, I am trying to find out my own answer to this question.

I haven't yet read the book, but Mr. Shourie, in his interview says  that in Hinduism we rely completely on God. I differ from him here. We believe that God is compassionate and kind but we don't have to sit and rely on an external object to do some miracle. (It is not that miracles don't happen). Action and karma are the key factors to understand life. If you read the Gita or the complete works of Swami Vivekananda, they have never said that we will not suffer.. Suffering is a part of human life. Religious philosophies give us an understanding to endure those sufferings. If we look at our mythological stories, each and every God-incarnate, be it Prahlad, Jesus Christ , Raja Harishchandra, even Rama had to suffer immensely but they continued to have faith in God.

At one place, Sagarika says, "So you are coming back again and again to the self, to the individual, to the mind, power of the individual to transcend his suffering or to deal with it?" Doesn't this sound familiar? In Vedantic philosophy, I have learnt about self-realization to find God within by empowering oneself with knowledge and faith.

Mr. Shourie further says ," what is the explanation  that they (scriptures) give for such acute suffering of innocent and good people?" When God bestowed His blessings upon him, because of which he earned name, respect, fame, success and prosperity, why then did he not question  God? Why then did he not write a book praising God? When life seems to be good and rosy, we do not question the existence of God. We do not ask  Him, "why have you given so much to me and not to others?" Because we think we deserve it. But so do others. At that time why does our heart not feel the pain and anguish on such disparity of God? For example, when we go for an interview and amongst thousands one gets selected and others do not we attribute the success to ourselves, to our education and intelligence. But is it really the case? How does the interviewer know that you are the right person for that job?  Other candidates must be having the same or more credentials in their hat as well, and yet, you get the opportunity. It is because you are destined to have the success of that kind, at that time.

I know we do not have a ready answer always to people's plight, natural calamities, war, accidental or sudden death. At that time we only can pray,

"God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

I myself am looking forward to read the book as it seems interesting and forthright . . The question that he is asking is what we keep on asking time and again. "why do good people suffer when the wicked and corrupt live perfectly happy lives?"

REVIEW OF "AARAKSHAN"

Saw 'Aarakshan' recently in the theatre. I liked the movie and thought of sharing my view with my FB friends. Prakash Jha has become one of my favourite directors. His films are always issue based and they always raise a debate once you leave the cinema hall. "Aarakshan" is a well-crafted movie, which is trying to explore an answer to reservation. I read so many reviews on this movie and most of them said that it is a pro-educationist movie and Prakash Jha has cleverly written the story and used reservation for its commercial purpose. I don't see the film in that light. I felt he has very much and honestly handled the subject of reservation and tried to give an answer to it. It may not be a straight answer because the issue in itself is very complicated. Looking at India's political scenario, one cannot think of giving a straight solution to the problem. All that he is saying is that because of reservation the difference between the haves and have-nots is widening. If we are uplifting the poor by giving them reservation, we are also depriving genuine candidates who are meritorious. So why not try to educate the poor, and give them the same opportunities by opening up free coaching or free remedial classes where weak and poor students can be trained and then face the competition as everyone else. Till then maybe reservation is the only way to uplift them.

People and critics are saying that the film has targeted coaching classes but while watching the movie you have to understand the hidden message as well. I thought the message was intelligent, simple and motivating. He has raised a debate and given a simple solution to reservation - prepare every child with the same facility and then treat them equal. I definitely will recommend everyone to watch this movie in the theatre. Everyone acted very well and made it very convincing and honest. It is true and sad to see how honest people always have to pay a heavy price for fighting the battle but history is full of these examples.  We believe that one day "truth will win" (सत्यमेव जयते )

Another sad part is that in India, every aspect of life is so politicized, that even cinema is now becoming the victim of it. Mayavati has again played politics and has banned the movie in UP, though there is nothing derogatory in this movie which would have hurt anyone's sentiment. Never once have the actors in the movie used the word backward, SC/ST or OBC. All they said was "samridh" and "garib". Our politicians are nothing but ignorant and an illiterate bunch of fools.

Wishing all the best to Prakash Jha for making this film not only entertaining but also educational.

Review on the book "INDIA UNBOUND" by Gurcharan Das

Finished reading "India Unbound" 2weeks ago. The book is written by Gurcharan Das, former CEO of Procter & Gamble.  This book is an extensive research on Indian policy, history and the socio-economic state of the country. The journey starts from his birth to India's independence, Nehru's vision & policy - what went wrong with his policies, a subtle comparison to English raj, how the private sector was neglected and industrialists suffered along with the country...a very detailed investigation of it. From Mrs. Indira Gandhi to Narasimha Rao, who at last with the help of Manmohan Singh and P. Chidambaram lifted the licence raj and brought the economic revolution by easing foreign exchange restrictions, devaluing the rupee, lowering import tariffs and undoing the byzantine controls that had stifled Indian industry. Mr. Das felt the reforms should have gone further but somehow Narasimha Rao himself was not confident of the change, so could not take the credit of the change fully and lost the election. It was really sad to know about the details and helplessness of the people but at the same time Mr. Das has shown a great hope for India, where change is taking place.

The growth in disposable incomes, and the opening up of the country to world markets, has altered the face of Indian society, creating a new consumer middle class. But with a cost - the dilution of our culture, values and traditions.

I found it a great book if someone is interested to know the policies and background of India from its time of independence. I also read "In spite of the Gods" by Edward Luce. Both the books will be a good collection for anyone's  library. Both books talk about the economic growth of India but Mr. Das's book is definitely a work with research and extensive information, whereas Luce's book is more to the point. Mr. Das talks in first person and shares his own experiences of life and perspectives throughout the book.

I am waiting to get my hands on his 2nd book "The Difficulty of Being Good"

My take on "THE KING'S SPEECH".

I went to watch "The King's speech" very reluctantly, but ended up loving it. King George VI was having a stuttering problem because of which he was not able to deliver speeches, which was an absolute necessity . He eventually gets help from a speech therapist,  Lionel Logue. The relationship between the two is a treat to watch. I was impressed because to hold the audience for 2 hrs with this kind of a subject is not a joke..but the director's treatment to the story was wonderful..He has kept the humour & the wit continuously flowing throughout the movie.

If you want to see something unique,  "The king's Speech" will definitely be a good pick.

Review of "GUZAARISH"

I watched the movie "GUZAARISH" & loved it. Here i am going to share with you my thoughts on the movie. It should be a must watch on everyone's list..I do like this kind of a movie because it soothes my senses and gives me an understanding of the world and the pain around it and a feel of how beautiful Life is and how much we should cherish this.

"Guzaarish" is the tale of a man who is suffering from quadriplegic (a person who is paralyzed in both arms and both legs)  was heart-wrenching.. It was also a love story of Ethan and Sophia...Hrithik was a sheer poetry in this movie...from his looks to acting and dancing...everything that he portrayed was very convincing as if he himself was Ethan. He executed the whole drama with so much of ease that even for a minute we did not think that he was not Ethan. A bed- ridden man Ethan was very much able to keep us engaged by his facial and eye expressions throughout the movie..We should give credit to Sanjay Leela Bhansali for his directorial skill, his way of telling this tale was simply marvelous...Aishwaraya Rai was equally superb as Sofia, again very convincing and beautiful....everyone else was superb...and Sanjay Leela Bhansali was superb as a deb-u-tant music director.

Some of the shots of Aishwaraya & Hrithik were superb..after seeing the movie, I was speechless and proud that India has talents like this to showcase to the world...a real work of art..always to be remembered for its par-excellence execution...songs were captivating..films will come and go..but Guzaarish will be remembered forever in the cinematic history... Hrithik was like a demi-god. It was a delight to watch him.

note: this movie is only for those who love sensitive and meaningful movies.

a note on human behaviour

Recently while attending a party, I overheard a conversation where someone was criticizing the host for sharing their pleasures, joys & happiness with the guests. The criticism may have arisen because the person may be having a history of jealousy. I wasn't upset but it certainly left a bad taste in my mouth. My advice to him would have been to wait for the right time to do so. I am not advising anybody to be saintly, but wait at least till you reach home. Show some respect towards the host whose hospitality you are enjoying.While reading Amitabh bachchan's blog, I came across these lines which I found very relevant to my point. I quote,

"The first sign and one that is unmistakably evident, is the unhealthy practice of finding fault and expressing disgust in all about and around you. It is undoubtedly the most perfect example of putting oneself in a position of superiority, without realizing that in fact it is a desperate attempt to conceal your own inferiority. That cannot and will not be ever a single one sided point of view in life. But those that imagine so, live in a terrible condition of ambiguity. And the deeper they resolve to rid themselves of ambiguousness, the greater the deterioration of the state of the mind."

A PROFOUND IMPACT OF GITA

Recently, Mr Yazdi Palia posted  a news piece on facebook, where  Karnantaka 's education minister is encouraging/forcing students to study Bhagwad Gita. I am for it and argued with him in this context. But they are fearing that it may be the way of taking control like Taliban and it obstructs the fundamental right of freedom to choose. Anyway, while these discussions, what intrigued me was his commentary on the similarities between Zoroastrianism and Hinduism.  It is worth noting that both these religions are Aryan ones - both originated in central Asia. The language Pahlavi is very similar to Sanskrit. The hymns of Zoroastrians are called gathas, which mean tales in sanskrit.  In Hinduism, there are the Vedas. In the Gathas and the Vedas, the Sun is worshipped not only as the primordial source of life but as spiritual light, standing for Wisdom, Order, and Truth. Fire, its emblem, is sacred witness at ritual ceremonies. The Cow, too, is holy in both cultures, though it has a wider significance in Zoroastrianism, representing cattle in general and all living, suffering things, the poor and the downtrodden, who Zarathushtra alone, according to the legend, can save. In one passage Creation itself is symbolised by "the joy-giving Cow." I will emphasize now on "why this similarity."

If you go back in history, you will find that every time India was invaded, invaders were always impressed with our sages and scholars. Even Alexander took a few sages back to Persia; these sages brought with them the Indian scriptures and wisdom. That is why, you will find so much of similarities between Kabbalah, Hinduism and even Zoroastrianism. You should also know that Ramayana was translated into Persian at the behest of Emperor Akbar. Long after Akbar, the Mughal court continued the tradition of cultural blending. Ramayana is not the only book that was translated to Persian. Akbar ordered several Sanskrit classics like Atharva veda - Lord Krishna's biography. Mahabharata (titled as Razm Namah), Singhasan Battisi, Panchtantra, etc., to be translated.. Akbar found the morals of the stories inspiring.

Famous Sanskrit work Padmavat was rendered into Persian in 1617. Chitravalli, the Hindi poetry collection by poet Usman is creation of Jehangir’s age. It was during Shah Jehan’s tenure that Maulana Abdur Rahman Chishti penned the dialogue between Mahadev and Parvathi and built up an analogy with Adam and Eve, the first ancestors of human beings according to the Islamic and Christian theology. He made a poetic translation of 'Geeta' into Persian. 

Dara Shikoh was appointed heir apparent by Shah Jahan, who had learnt Sanskrit and studied the original Hindu scripture. He translated Upanishads into Persian directly from Sanskrit and called it SIRRE-e_Akabar(The great Mystery).

If you happen to hear or read the philosophy of Kabbalah, you will feel like you are listening to the Gita. Here you can get a glimpse of the concept of reincarnation, the soul as the divine spark, the manifest and the unmanifest divine and the harmony of the physical and the spiritual worlds. You will be  surprised that esoteric Judaism is so similar to the teaching of esoteric Hinduism like the levels of divine manifestation from the spirit to matter.

People can say that it is all bullshit or imagination of the historians. No, it is not. It is because our sages had been taken to Persia to translate the work of wisdom and all the other translations done by Akbar, Dara Shikoh and several others actually became a resource centre for people to come to, study, interpret, and reinterpret the same philosophy in their own way. This is why we find so many similarities between these philosophies.

Here are a few quotes of people from different parts of the world. If the Gita can impact people, foreign to the Gita in such  a profound way, then one can imagine what crime we are doing by depriving our children from not learning it. No one yet has taken it as a philosophy, it is mostly read in a religious context. I have seen when people read it for religious purposes most of them just want to finish it as soon as possible because of its complex nature and language. It's greater value has to be realized, rather than its association with religion. Only then will the vast population be benefitted by its essence. 

"In the morning I bathe my intellect in the stupendous and cosmogonal philosophy of the Bhagavad-Gita, in comparison with which our modern world and its literature seems puny and trivial." ~ Henry David Thoreau

"The Bhagavad-Gita is the most systematic statement of spiritual evolution of endowing value to mankind. It is one of the most clear and comprehensive summaries of perennial philosophy ever revealed; hence its enduring value is subject not only to India but to all of humanity." ~ Aldous Huxley

Wilhelm von Humboldt said: "The deepest and highest the world can show us. I thank God that He permitted me to live as much time as so that I could read the Bhagavad Gita".

"The Bhagavad-Gita is a true scripture of the human race, a living creation rather than a book, with a new message for every age and a new meaning for every civilization." ~ Rishi Aurobindo

What more one can say about the profound teachings of the Bhagwad Gita. God will make sure the right thing happens.

CASTE-SYSTEM IN INDIA - A Perspective in modern context

Somehow I got to read a note "Brahman hi doshi kyon" by Jeet Sharma Manav . I found his perspective a little personal and thus felt the need of sharing my point of view with him & his friends who commented on his note.

Generally, when we present a point of view, it needs to be more general and broad, keeping the facts right. It is not about one person, it is about how this opinion got formed. When an opinion gets formed, it is not because of one person's good or bad deed but what the majority contributes in order to give such an impression.  We all know there are four main castes recognized by traditional Hindu society based primarily on hereditary occupation: Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vaishya & Sudras.

If we go back to history or history after independence, the educated & knowledgeable class (Brahmins, Kshatriya , Bhumiyars, Kayasthas and to a certain extent Vaishyas i.e. business class) were the ones who ruled or controlled the society and country in general. Brahmins were considered to be shastra-gyani, Kshatriya to be warriors, Bhumiyars to be land lords, and last but not the least Kayasthas to be intellectual or service class. Being educated and well-informed, most of the departments including governance went into the hands of the so-called forward class. Somehow, those that belonged to the ‘backward class’ were left neglected.

Before going into the human psyche, I would like to quote two different points of view given by Lord Krishna and Manu respectively. In the Gita, Lord Krishna says in Chapter 4 verse 13 " The fourfold caste has been created by Me according to the differentiation of Guna and Karma." Chapter 18, verse 40 the Lord says," There is no being on earth, or again in heaven among the gods, that is liberated from the three qualities born of Nature.(tamas, rajas & sattva)" In verse 41 of chapter 18, He again says, "Of Brahamanas, Kshatriyas and Vaishyas, as also the Sudras, O Arjuna, the duties are distributed according to the qualities born of their own nature." In contrast, Manu made the classification based on family lineage and hereditary occupation. It was enforced through a rigid code of conduct that was specific to each class and rooted in the dharmashastras of the later Vedic period. 

As the  time passes by, we are seeing the distorted version of not only the caste system but also certain practices like dowry, sati, superstition etc. Things which began with the intention of serving society & protecting the poor became the tool of exploitation. With globalization in modern times, we are realizing that we actually can live without a caste system.  But the question is will it be that easy for people to let the control go so easily? We have ruled for hundreds of years and thus it has become the part of our psyche to be authoritative and ruthless. We all have taken advantage of the weaker and vulnerable at some point of time in our lives. Success and power blind us. The society that we are seeing today is actually the by-product of our own doings. Whenever, we have power in our hands we either treated the poor, shudras, or untouchables as insects or exploited their feelings for our own advantage. For example V.P. Singh further divided the already divided India on caste based reservation on the name of being the saviour of the backward class . Similarly, on the name of puja-paath and to meet their own ends meet, Brahmins made the society superstitious. The same applies to Rajputs & Bhumiyars, who used their bravery, power & richness to exploit the poor.  We still have bonded labourers in the villages working for them.  This all is still happening because of our old mindset passed on to us from generations. Our sense of being superior in mindset creates a hierarchy of superior/inferior on the basis of caste.

We forget that every person is born equally worthy, a spiritual being with a physical body, a child of God and a child of man. Every person is born dependent on others to fulfill their vital physical and psychological human needs - just as food, air and water are vital human needs, so, also are love, truth, unity and most of all, human dignity.

Now when the tables have been turned and we see Mayawati, Mulayam Singh Yadav, and Lalu Yadav coming in power on the name of Dalit and doing the same thing which their contemporary high caste colleagues are doing, we wonder. What surprises me is our own stupid belief of expecting them to turn into some kind of Messiah for the poor and the destitutes. We forget that human psyche never changes. The same psyche of being powerful and ruthless actually work - the sense of superiority compel them to do what they are doing.  How many people coming from poor or destitute backgrounds have served the society (very few - we always can find exceptions)? They themselves are busy in making money and making themselves powerful. 

So to conclude, we can say that there are actually two castes only - the rich and the poor, the ruler & the ruled, the oppressor and the oppressed. But things are changing. People are realizing the power of education and trying to empower themselves with knowledge.  It will take some time but eventually the change will come.

EUTHANASIA - THE STORY OF ARUNA SHANBAUG

Some of you must be watching the debate that arose from the petition filed for euthanasia by Pinki Virani for Aruna Shanbaug in the Supreme Court.  Because of this petition, we came to know the story of Aruna Shanbaug, a lady who is lying down on a hospital bed in a vegetative state from last 37 yrs..  For those of you who have not followed the story, " Aruna was a nurse, working in King Memorial Hospital, Parel, Mumbai. On the night of 27th Nov 1973, Walmiki, a ward boy at the hospital, attacked her while she was changing her clothes in the hospital basement. He choked her with a dog chain and sodomized her. The asphyxiation cut off oxygen supply to her brain resulting in brain stem contusion injury and cervical cord injury apart from leaving her cortically blind. At that time Aruna was only 25. Now she is 62.   To read her story, plz go to this link http://hubpages.com/hub/Rape-In-Revenge

            A heart rending story.....even the thought of such cruelty and helplessness makes me shudder...Now there are various aspects to look at in this story.. emotional, practical and philosophical. The Supreme court has denied the euthanasia plea but has allowed passive euthanasia where one can withdraw supplying food to the patient under the supervision of the doctors in certain circumstances. Some people are in favour of Euthanasia and some are not. Though few countries like Netherland, Belgium, Switzerland have allowed euthanasia, India is still struggling with this concept. Some think India is not mature enough to handle this issue and once allowed can be misused by people. Some think Our scripture allows "iksha mrityu" then why not the law of the country. If we have the right to live with dignity then why not to die with dignity. Living a life of a vegetable is not what one can call life. While permitting euthanasia the conditions & circumstances can be outlined, so that people cannot misuse it for their material benefit.

            Secondly, Aruna's condition compelled me to think about the philosophy of karma. And when it comes to the philosophy of karma, then the question arises - was Aruna suffering because of her bad karma? Was what  happened to her pre-destined?  What kind of learning was she experiencing  while in a vegetable state?  According to dharma, the  law of nature balances everything that we do in our past & present life.  Looking at that theory,  was Aruna paying the debt of her previous karma? According to Brian Weiss , an American Psychiatrist , we all come in body form to learn our lessons, so it is better to finish off that learning and then go, otherwise we will have to come back to finish the remaining  lessons. In that case we should not permit euthanasia because if birth is not in our hands, then death shouldn't be either. But how can one see a person suffering in a vegetative state? What if they don't get care? Do they then not have the right to die with dignity.  Someone was saying that a reference of iksha-mrityu is mentioned in Ramayana. Can anyone shed some light on it?

To know  Aruna emotionally, plz visit http://mvvyasmamta.blogspot.com/2011/03/blog-post_08.html

At the end, how cruel destiny could be to Aruna - a young, pretty, and ambitious girl, coming to Mumbai from a small town Haldipur, Uttar Kannada, Karnataka, working in KEM hospital, fell in love with a young doctor, got engaged and about to get married and all of a sudden her life cord was cut short  by this devil called Walmiki and she turns into a living corpse.  Is this what we call MAYA?

INTER-FAITH MARRIAGE

When I said in my  article "Marriage" that I am not pro for inter-faith marriage, I did not mean that I am against inter-faith marriage. As we all know, we are now living in a multi-cultural society where we are exposed to different cultures , ethnicities, communities and groups. Children study or work together and thus tend to get attracted towards other cultures and look for alliances for a better future. For some, it works and for some, it doesn't.  Here, I will explore the reasons of its failure. This is my exploration, and it is possible that it may not match with yours. Separation/divorces are common in every kind of marriage these days, be it arranged, or love, or inter-faith. Before going any further I would like to quote Tolstoy ," यह कहना कि तुम एक व्यक्ति को आजीवन प्रेम करते रहोगे . यह कहने के समान है कि एक मोमबत्ती जब तक तुम चाहोगे , तब तक जलती रहेगी ". :)

In olden times, marriage was considered between 2 families instead of 2 individuals. As a result, people generally verified the roots & values of the families. It was believed that similarities bring less friction and conflicts. Recently, I was listening to a talk given by a man born in Canada to immigrant parents, who married a Caucasian girl. He was happy until one fine day after a year or so she came to him and said, " I don't love you anymore and want a divorce." He felt his world toppling. He went into depression and it took him a while to get back to normal life. Why? Why this remorse? This talk compelled me to think of the reasons behind his sadness and why he rejected reality.

Most children who are going to school feel that by getting education and working in the mainstream, speaking like one of the natives, and eating pizza, makes them a native resident. They feel that by accepting the culture and the language, they are Caucasians. Some of them even think that mingling or marrying with their 'own' people is inferior.  What they forget however, is that they are the children of immigrant parents. They have seen their parents struggle through life together, and subconsciously they have imbibed those values pertaining to a successful relationship. They have witnessed their parents' successful marriage which subconsciously has contributed to their psyche. Not only marriage, they also learn or imbibe, knowingly or unknowingly, values, customs, behaviors & so many other things that they witness around them.

Returning to my previous point, I have always maintained that marriage is an acceptance of 2 different families and their backgrounds. However, when children go for inter-faith marriages they don't realize the broad fundamental differences of each other's culture. It may be that for one person parting ways comes as a shock, but for the other it may be considered just a normal part of life. So the acceptance and understanding  of 2 different cultures is very important.   What may be considered abnormal or unethical in one culture may be very normal and ethical in another culture. If you understand this concept and regardless decide to take the risk, then there is no reason for blame when the relationship comes to an end. An Indian friend of mine was married to his American wife for 7 yrs, however, right after the wife gave birth to their daughter, she declared that she was no longer interested in continuing the relationship. He was not an abusive husband, nor was he unemployed, rather he was caring and loving . He tried everything in his power to save the marriage, but nothing worked. At that time, everybody who knew the husband felt that injustice had been done to him. However, if you look at the situation more deeply, it can be considered that the wife is not to blame. She simply followed her heart and thought it to be normal as per her culture. In some cultures, marriage is not considered for life, regardless of the existence of children.

Some of you must have either read the book or watched the movie " Not Without my Daughter," which is based on a real story by Betty Mahmoody. In this story the differences in two people's roots and values are so strong and distinct, that even though they pretended to forget the differences for some time, it eventually hunted them down and destroyed everything that they had falsely created around them. It is a story of an American woman marrying an Iranian man. The man was a doctor by profession - a sophisticated and thorough gentleman who eventually turned into a male chauvinist, took his wife to Iran by promising their return to the states within 2 weeks.  Once In Iran, with his own people the husband became hostile and declared that they were not returning to the United States of America and that she & the daughter will have to live with him and his family in Iran. When the wife confronted him and tried to fight for her freedom and rights, the husband and his family abused her. So eventually we see the family comes into the picture amd makes him succumb to their pressures.

It is not my intention to dwell further into the story of Betty Mahmoody, but I would like to point out that if a person chooses to marry somebody from a different faith, then it is crucial to understand that person's culture, religion, and values thoroughly. Only then, it will be possible to solve misunderstandings. As it is said, marriage is made in heaven, but it is our job to make it work on this earth. We cannot deny the fact that only by birth can one understand the complexities and beauty of one's culture. As outsiders, we can only judge the culture or person, which sometimes can create a world of differences.  It is also said, "what counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”

मेरी बेटी

I wrote this poem on the 16th b'day of my 2nd daughter. I want to dedicate this poem to all those mothers who make the decison for female foeticide at some point in their lives.

१६ साल - जैसे कल की ही बात हो ,

१९९१  - डॉक्टर की घोषणा  - "you are  pregnant"
आकाश जैसे सर पर गिरा हो,

मैं विस्मित , अचरज और उदासी से भरी बैठी सोचती, 

"१० महीने की बेटी गोद में, और अब दूसरी".

फिर मन को समझाया - "बेटा हो गया तो परिवार सम्पूर्ण "
ईश्वर की इच्छा   समझ कर इसे अपनाया
लेकिन फिर डर के एक झोकें ने मुझे सताया
"क्या होगा अगर फिर से बेटी ",
सोच कर दिल बहुत घबराया
डॉक्टर  को मैंने अपना फैसला सुनाया
डॉक्टर को सारा चक्कर समझ में आया
उसने खूब तस्सली से हमें समझाया "और बच्चे भगवान की देन है" ,
कह कर अपना अनुग्रह दोहराया

मैंने उत्सुकता के और-छोर में अपना नौ महीना बिताया
अन्दर से मन बहुत घबराया, और फिर वो वक्त भी आया

१0 मार्च १९९२  - रात के दस बजे ,

जब मेरी बेटी ने दुनिया  में अपना अस्तित्व पाया .

पति की ख़ुशी और बेटी की नाजुकता ने मुझे खुशियों के हिंडोलों   में झुलाया ,

देखते ही देखते मेरी छिपकिली  सी लम्बी और लाल रंग वाली बेटी ने खूबसूरती और प्यार  के अलग -अलग अंदाज़ दिखाएं

और मुझे माँ होने के  सारे गौरव दिलवाएं .

बेटी की समझदार, प्यार और संवेदना से भरपूर बातों ने हमें खूब रूलाया, खूब हंसाया.

अपनी बिटिया के बारी में और क्या कहूं , बस
धन्यवाद करती हूँ उस ईश्वर का जिन्होंने हमें बेटी तो दिया , पर खूब दिया .

AURAT KE NAYE AAYAAM - औरत के नये आयाम

औरत हूँ मैं    -  घर की साज-सज्जा में अपने आप को पूर्ण समझती
बच्चों के आस-पास रह कर अपनी ममता की किरण बिखेरती
पति की सेवा में ही आनंद की अनुभूति करती  ,
सास- ससुर की अच्छी या कड़वी बातों को ही अपना संसार समझती ,

वही औरत हूँ मैं -  हाँ वही हूँ मैं
पर आज घर की चारदीवारी से बाहर निकल चुकी हूँ मैं
अपनी क्षमता की मिसाल बाहरी दुनिया में साबित कर चुकी हूँ मैं  

अपने माँ होने के एहसास के साथ घर की जिम्मेदारियों का एहसास भी है मुझे
अपने अस्तित्व को अपनी कुशलता  से पूर्ण करने की प्यास है मुझे
कौन सा क्षेत्र  है जहाँ मैंने अपना रंग नहीं जमाया
आदमियों के कंधा से कंधा नहीं मिलाया

मैं अगर एक कोमल एहसास हूँ , तो ज्वाला भी हूँ
सती अन्शुया हूँ , तो निक्की हेली  और इंदिरा नूई भी हूँ .
मैं अगर ताकत हूँ, तो विन्ध्वंश भी हूँ .
मैं गीत हूँ . तो बिजली भी हूँ .

जिन्दंगी के हर चैलेंजे को स्वीकार करने की क्षमता है मुझे
घर-बाहर दोनों को सँभालने की ताकत है मुझे
मेरे इस बदलते तेवर से आदमी ही नही, मैं खुद भी बहुत हैरान हूँ

मैं वो शक्ति हूँ , जो चाहे तो बारिश की बूँद की तरह तृप्त कर दे
और न चाहे तो nuclear bomb की तरह तबाह कर दे .

दोस्तों, मैं दासता के पन्नों से बाहर निकल चुकी हूँ
और आनेवाले समय के लिए इतिहास लिख रही हूँ .

MARRIAGE

A friend of ours posted an article about marriage on his blog -  http://gyansrajhans.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-views-on-arranged-marriageslove.html  Here I am posting my reply to that article as I found the subject very interesting.

 I am somehow very passionate about this subject. I recently gave a speech on this topic in a wedding function. I think in modern times, a new definition, a new outlook has been given to marriage. Every passing day, its meaning is changing. It is no more in the boundaries of our scriptures or shastras. Whether the institution of marriage is crumbling or evolving, it is difficult to say. There are people who still believe in this institution but it seems that the youth of today want to experiment with this idea. So, we are seeing different kind of alliances such as arranged marriage, love marriage and inter-faith marriage  There is another one known as Live-in or common-law.

As we all know, there is no set formula for the success of a happy marriage. I never felt that in arranged marriage, the girl & the boy have no say. They are given a choice to select their partners. The only difference may be that they do not go out together before marriage as they do in love marriage. In my view, any type of marriage is marriage after marriage and one has to work on it. It needs not only love, compassion & consideration but a lot of sacrifice & tolerance in order to make it successful, as people coming from two different backgrounds, different upbringing & different values have different outlook & understanding of life. In love marriage, people have the misconception of knowing each other. People's behaviour changes as per the situation & circumstances and then they take it as a blow as they never witnessed this kind of reaction from their partner to whom they thought of "knowing". Any relationship works only when we want it to work.

Still in a way, love marriage has become the demand of the time, but I would like parents to educate their children from their experience to look for a boy or a girl with a good & educated family background because that will constitute the boy's/girl's entire behaviour, his/her moral values etc. Love marriage does not mean to choose whomsoever. It is a question of spending a happy & peaceful life together, so one should see compatibility, education & family.  A person's own upbringing contributes a lot in terms of choosing a partner. I also encourage love marriage especially in India because it is in some way helping to eradicate the dowry system, because of which, well educated and good looking girls cannot get married to the right person and have to compromise as per their parents’ economic condition.

I am not so pro for inter-faith marriages. Marriage in itself is a complex institution, why to make it more complex? But I definitely will discuss the pros & cons of inter faith marriage some other time. Please feel free to drop your comments, it certainly will help me to understand the subject better.

CHUPPI - चुप्पी

This is my first poem...thought of sharing with all of you..

चुप रहना शायद एक अच्छी बात होती है
पर जिन्दंगी की लम्बी दौड़ में ये कई बार घातक भी होती है
ये चुप अगर आपको समस्या से निकालती है
तो कई बार समस्या मैं डालती भी है
जो बात उनके एक बोल से किसी निष्कर्ष पर पहुँच सकती है
वो लम्बे समय तक सरकारी फाइलों के पन्नों में बंद रहती है
चुप अगर प्रसाद है , तो प्रताड़ना भी है
किसी के जिन्दंगी के घुटन या इन्सेकुरिटी  का एहसास भी है
आप चुप जरूर रहें , ये अच्छा   गुण है
पर कृप्या अपने चुप को हथियार की तरह इस्तेमाल न करें