A friend of ours posted an article about marriage on his blog - http://gyansrajhans.blogspot.com/2010/10/my-views-on-arranged-marriageslove.html Here I am posting my reply to that article as I found the subject very interesting.
I am somehow very passionate about this subject. I recently gave a speech on this topic in a wedding function. I think in modern times, a new definition, a new outlook has been given to marriage. Every passing day, its meaning is changing. It is no more in the boundaries of our scriptures or shastras. Whether the institution of marriage is crumbling or evolving, it is difficult to say. There are people who still believe in this institution but it seems that the youth of today want to experiment with this idea. So, we are seeing different kind of alliances such as arranged marriage, love marriage and inter-faith marriage There is another one known as Live-in or common-law.
As we all know, there is no set formula for the success of a happy marriage. I never felt that in arranged marriage, the girl & the boy have no say. They are given a choice to select their partners. The only difference may be that they do not go out together before marriage as they do in love marriage. In my view, any type of marriage is marriage after marriage and one has to work on it. It needs not only love, compassion & consideration but a lot of sacrifice & tolerance in order to make it successful, as people coming from two different backgrounds, different upbringing & different values have different outlook & understanding of life. In love marriage, people have the misconception of knowing each other. People's behaviour changes as per the situation & circumstances and then they take it as a blow as they never witnessed this kind of reaction from their partner to whom they thought of "knowing". Any relationship works only when we want it to work.
Still in a way, love marriage has become the demand of the time, but I would like parents to educate their children from their experience to look for a boy or a girl with a good & educated family background because that will constitute the boy's/girl's entire behaviour, his/her moral values etc. Love marriage does not mean to choose whomsoever. It is a question of spending a happy & peaceful life together, so one should see compatibility, education & family. A person's own upbringing contributes a lot in terms of choosing a partner. I also encourage love marriage especially in India because it is in some way helping to eradicate the dowry system, because of which, well educated and good looking girls cannot get married to the right person and have to compromise as per their parents’ economic condition.
I am not so pro for inter-faith marriages. Marriage in itself is a complex institution, why to make it more complex? But I definitely will discuss the pros & cons of inter faith marriage some other time. Please feel free to drop your comments, it certainly will help me to understand the subject better.
I think your views are great. But I do want to address a few points:
ReplyDelete1. It really depends on how the process of an arranged marriage is carried out. It is only infamous because of the various cases of the use of coercion in making a girl say yes to a boy's family, especially in rural parts of the world.
2. I don't think an educated family in its most literal meaning necessarily means the family is 'good'. It should be one of the criteria, but not the biggest factor. Knowing the boy or the girl itself is extremely important, because it isn't necessary that either have imbibed the family culture.
3. I think inter-faith marriages can work. It really depends on the individuals. Many couples from two different backgrounds have been together for years. Perhaps the ones that don't work are highlighted which is why your view is as such. But yes, I agree with you, marriage probably only works when individuals want it to work.
Keep up the good work! :)
Very well written aunty :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Sriniti.
ReplyDelete